Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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