Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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