dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
