Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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