you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
