Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
