DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
