drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize