4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
