maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just invented taco cereal.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
