We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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