I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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