I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
