you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
