SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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