I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
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ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
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He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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