Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
