I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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