I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
