he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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