why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
