I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
