This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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