I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
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She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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