and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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