Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my weed a kiss
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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