just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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