I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
