I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
