So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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