I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i came on her dog
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
