so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize