Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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