The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.