i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....