There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list