just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.