Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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