FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
