Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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