Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
