Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
