I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what day is it and did you see me today?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma