I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?