I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She liked it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.