You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.