I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
