He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
