when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize