im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
