Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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