so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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