You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize