Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
