thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
