i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
