I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
